I have a direct report who is both a high D and very insecure. Especially when he perceives that he is being left out of a conversation or project o rproblem resolution that he perceives as impacting him etc. I have tried to look at it from all perspectives but feel that this comes down to a pure control issue. To boot this individual comes across to both myself (his manager) and his peers as abrupt and bossy especially when he's scolding others for leaving him out of a conversation or project. This has been the case since he started working for me and has not improved even after several feedback attempts after which he still sees it as frustrating that he is somehow excluded from communications. I even go out of my way to forward emails or fill him in on a conversation that I had with another individual to keep him in the loop. However instead of his response being "thanks for letting me know" it's " I don't understand why you didn't just copy me on the email". Many times the communications are between me and another manager or above, which I have also explained to him, but this has had no impact. At the end of the day I feel that this person's reaction is petty and highly immature and his reaction \ behavior of scolding me rather than thanking me for letting him know is really getting old if not obnoxious and insubordinate.
Is it my feedback that's the problem or is this just a lost cause, or am I just overreacting to it?
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
Can you give us a specific example of a situation where this occurred and the feedback you gave him?
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
An example actually happened today. We deal with software support so this detail may also help. For the past few days he has been working on resolving a problem which has now escalated in priority. He is dealing with a counterpart in another department about the issue. I exchanged emails with my counterpart in the other department ( another manager, as well as my manager) about the progress of the issue. Some details were exchanged on this email that I though would be pertinent to what my direct was working on so I forwarded him the email as well as mentioned the high level details to him verbally. His response was exasperation and the " why did you leave me off the emails" comment. I was again in dismay and shock that this adult reacts this way. Although I have not yet provided feedback on this instance in the recent past I have tried to ensure him that I nor anyone else is intentionally leaving him out and that he shoud not take this personally. We work in a fast paced environment and it is not always possible to copy the world on all communications but that I would be sure to include him on or fill him in with any information that has direct inpact on him. This feedback seems to have no positive impact.
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
OK. What feedback would you give him in this instance?
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
Mapletree,
Are you giving feedback according to the "Manager-Tools" model for feedback, or are you engaging in a conversation with him less formally?
http://www.manager-tools.com/manager-tools-basics/
The structure of the feedback is an important part of its success. In particular the focus on behavior. "Exasperation" is a conclusion you make. Sighing, rolling his eyes, and saying "Awwww...." are behaviors.
Here's an example:
- Can I give you some feedback?
- Sure...
- When you sigh and roll your eyes after being provided information to help you with your job, I conclude that your focus has moved away from solving the problem. I wonder if perhaps you aren't the right person to be assigned to this challenging effort. What can you do differently?
- ....
You MUST listen to the feedback podcasts before doing this! There are subtleties that will make it more powerful and M&M have guidance for handling the curveballs that this guy will definitely throw back to you.
John
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
There is another side to this. Why [i]are [/i]you leaving him off the emails?
The problem is not always the other person.
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
As a high D myself, I would probably (in my most evil moments) tell him "You've got the information now. If you continue to give me attitude and snarkiness, next time I won't even bother to forward anything to you. I've made it pretty clear you're not going to be included real-time so the choice is yours: after the fact or not at all. Which would you prefer?" (Hey, it's a way to give him a sense of control - he gets to control whether the information flow stops entirely or continues with a delay.)
Now, I might not say as bluntly as all that but I would still lay it on the line. "Dude, I'm the manager and we're doing things this way. You don't have to like it but I don't have to put up with your petulance every time."
csi
mapletree,
I noticed that the more you can decompose behaviours, the more effective the feedback can be (like a CSI agent).
In this case, have you given specific feedback about the complaining?
If this person is complaining about you during normal business operations, then that behaviour is a problem. That person needs feedback about the complaints.
Complaints are very specific behaviour -- these are words that people say.
When you give feedback, the person will probably say "I have every right to complain". Point taken. You should expect this sort of response. But, you've succeeded by "firing the shot across the bow". Continued complaints will lead to more "shots". You can tailor the feedback to be very effective for a high D by using the DISC cheatsheet.
Good luck,
Steve
Insecure High D Feeling Left out
I think I have to agree with Ashdenver here - it sounds to me like you are catering too much to the employee, who is trying to change YOUR behavior, not the other way around.
It's good for him to give feedback if he is not happy about this, but at the end of the day, it's his job to get things done on time, and if you pass him info like this, he should only be happy for your help.