One of my new directs was displaying unproductive and unacceptable behavior. This was a perfect opportunity to try out the feedback model. I had just finished listening to the Management Trinity Feedback cast, Couldn’t be more ready to give some feedback!!
Or so I thought…..
I froze. I felt like I was scolding her, commenting on how her bad attitude is unacceptable in the work place and that she needs to leave her personal problems at the door. When I was finished she just stared at me like I had three heads. Not a word. I could feel my face turning red; at one point a folded my arms like a disappointed parent. During the interaction I kept thinking, don’t fold your arms, identify the behavior, smile damn it smile. I could not. Ultimately I walked away upset with myself and probably established a greater disconnect with my new direct.
I felt awful afterward. Not only because my own behavior was ineffective, I felt as if I had deteriorated part of the trust I have built with my new direct. But I have learned from this experience, and now I must ask myself,
“What can I do better next time?”
[b][/b]
Re: My first feedback attempt…………Crash and Burn
[quote="krguy33"]But I have learned from this experience, and now I must ask myself,
“What can I do better next time?”
[b][/b][/quote]
Start with affirming feedback. You build confidence by rehearsing the model while eliminating your directs' fear that the only time they get feedback is when something has gone wrong.
Often I encounter people who receive feedback that is *only* negative. You can see the relief when the feedback is affirming (big smile, raised eyebrows, etc.)
Techniques for reminding yourself to provide affirming feedback are discussed in other forum posts.
If you must apologize to your new direct...do so. Are you doing One-on-Ones?
My first feedback attempt…………Crash and Burn
Part of the problem is that you're using the words "attitude" and "leave at the door."
You're not describing a behavior that the person is exhibiting, you're interpreting and labeling.
My first feedback attempt…………Crash and Burn
krguy33 - you're human. You blew your first at-bat, that's all.
Take a deep breath, smile, and regroup.
If you have a decent rapport with this direct (and especially if you think this direct is a good longterm bet), admit you maybe approached it wrong, and emphasize the purpose that's underneath your approach: you want them to get better, and you want them to get beyond unproductive and unacceptable behavior...because it's in their longterm interest to do so.
When I train people to use a new technique, I often say to audiences: "You're professionals. Don't think of this new technique as a straightjacket. Think of it as a comfortable sweater that gives you a little room to move around in."
Don't get so hung up on the technique of feedback (thinking about whether you're crossing your arms, what exactly to say next, etc...) - go back to the PURPOSE ([i]the very positive and affirming purpose[/i]) of feedback - and let that be your guide.
My first feedback attempt…………Crash and Burn
Several pieces of advice for the manager new to feedback:
* You ARE going to crash and burn repeatedly. Too bad. Forgive yourself and move on. At least you are trying. What was your first 5 minutes behind the wheel of a car like? You probably made the gears grind, stopped so hard that everyone lept up from their seats and hit their heads on the roof. Forgive yourself.
* Congratulate yourself on your courage. Most never try
* Congratulate yourself on your self-awareness. You know you goofed? That puts you in the top 1% in my experience. It means you are teachable. So, keep going. Chin up.
Some advice on your next try:
* Start off with positive feedback - Try to give 300 feedbacks in 30 days when you first start off, and you will alter your mind and become more comfortable.
* Practice feedback by talking to yourself
* Focus on behaviors - specific behaviors. Facial expressions, eyebrow position, voice volume, hand and arm motions, distance between bodies, quoted words said.
* Do not ever comment on your imagined motives, intentions, or perceptions. Do not mention attitude.
* Only give feedback to encourage more effective behavior. You were trying to stop a behavior - that's punishment. Instead, approach with the intent of encouraging a different behavior next time to help them. That makes the situation far less pressurized and urgent.
* Give feedback in less than ten seconds.
* Do not argue. If the person has a comeback instead of something to do different, then you repeat the bottom line: "OK, OK. I hear you. Instead of raising your voice, what might you try next time?"
Sudden feedback out of the blue rarely does anything. Infrequent feedback also is not so effective. I gave feedback for a year before I realized the true power of this tool. I had a guy who was not performing so great - but he was just a little off in some of his behaviors. I called him 8 times that day, giving him adjusting and affirming feedback in succession (no sandwich - no use of the word 'but'.)
- Dude, can I... when you... that's awesome!
- Hey, can I... when you... that didn't work so good. Next time?
- Hey, one more thing? when you... then what happens is... what would you do differently next time?
Then I would hang up, watch him work this very fast paced, highly visible project, and then call him the next time he moved. I buried the poor soul in feedback. After three days of this, he was a different employee. No kidding. It was like night and day. And with each successive call, we seemed to draw closer to one another. I was afraid it sounded corny and that I was smothering him. Instead, he took it as I was watching his back and coaching him privately behind the scenes - making him look good and protecting him from upper management while strengthening his understanding of how to survive our demanding culture.
He was promoted right off of my team three months later.
That was a good thing for him, obviously. Short term, it hurt me, but mine is the team that all promotions come from. I'm the guy that makes our department's successful people, and everyone knows it. And my secret is no secret at all:
I am not afraid to say, "Can I give you some feedback?"
My first feedback attempt…………Crash and Burn
As usual, there is little to follow up US41s excellent advice with (:wink:), so I'll just add my own experience/thinking.
It sounds like you might be over thinking things a bit - which will only make you fail again the next time. I used to worry too much about people's feelings or how they would take something, and it always caused me to do worse.
Eventually, I just decided that since we were all adults, I'd worry less about how they felt and more about what we had to do to get our work done... I haven't gone too far the other way yet, so all is well so far.
I think that as long as you focus on the business and the business relationship in general and show respect to your directs, you'll find yourself improving with little effort.